Life Path Angst

This week has been quite odd for a variety of reasons including some I wont get into here. I find its Friday morning and this week flew by - scary speed. I am becoming convinced I am at some sort of cross roads again on my life path but not sure yet what calls me and where….

This has happened a number of times already in my life. I’m sailing along - all seems quite good and then WHAM - it all changes. I have had almost as many changes as David Bowie…. It often appears to involve moving continents as well.

I’m one for occasionally reaching for my Tarot deck for a bit of input and yesterday I did this two times. I shuffled, cut and drew. Death both times. The first time I was a tad surprised - the second I was shocked. Death card signifies endings and well as beginnings.

I have spoken to my dowsing rods as well. What guidance might there be there? The issue is if I ask something so personal my confidence in their response is low as I fear my conscious mind is over riding the subconscious knowing. Yet, here too the rods suggest a change is coming.

Given all that is going on in the world, is this change a choice or is it somehow created by the external world? Usually, it is the latter - curiosity and a sense of adventure - sometimes a new love. These things send me abruptly down a different road making me feel as if I lived three or four lifetimes already… I have a sudden desire to be in Asia but the rods tell me the change doesn’t involve a move…. so we will see.

My mood is a bit subdued as a result of all of this. I wonder if I am wasting time dithering but then I do not quite know what to make of these hints and feelings yet. I know that I am questioning everything. I know that I find it hard to still myself and meditate or I am filled with a rush of knowing so fast and so deep that I have to stop and write it down - no middle ground.

This weekend, I was planning on vanning but I think I will stay home and try to ground myself a bit. Truth is I spent 4 nights in the van last weekend and the to-do list built up a bit whilst gone. So, I need to tackle my to-do list this weekend and I may decide to take a weeknight in the van next week and try working out of it as I have long promised myself.

And in the end, maybe that is the hankering - to take a long trip in the van without an agenda or a plan…..

Have a great weekend!